How Do I Get Them to Like Me?

Behavioral adaptability is the key to successful application of the behavioral flexibility model. Adaptability means you have the maturity and confidence to behave in a style that may not be your primary style, but that reflects the style of your customer. Sales entrepreneurs consciously go out of their comfort zone in order to establish a relationship of rapport and trust.

By recognizing the styles of yourself and others, you can adapt your behavior to fit the situation. Adapting speeds up the likeable factor. People are naturally drawn to like-minded people with similar styles. If you can embrace and parallel the behavioral style of your customers, they can't help but appreciate your approach and, consciously or unconsciously, begin to like you. In their book, The Art of Speedreading People, Paul and Barbara Tieger talk about the tremendous sales advantage of speedreading your customers—identifying the customer's style type and adapting. They go on to suggest that your next goal is to speed-reach your customer—communicate on the customer's own level based on the style type you have identified. You need to observe and listen carefully to your customer and respond in the way that best accommodates his or her behavioral type.

Developing your skill in reading and interpreting people's behavioral style helps manage the initial tension that exists in any new relationship. As Tony Alessandra says in his book, People Smarts, "You can learn to adapt your style to handle different types of situations, even the more difficult ones that we encounter in the real-world laboratory of life." He goes on to suggest this tool is not about changing, it's about acting in a "sensible, successful way" to nurture a lasting relationship. Perhaps Dr. Richard Carlson says it most succinctly in his book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff:

For many people, one of the most frustrating aspects of life is not being able to understand other people's behavior. We see them as "guilty" instead of "innocent." It's tempting to focus on people's seemingly irrational behavior—their comments, actions, mean-spirited acts, selfish behavior—and get extremely frustrated. If we focus on behavior too much, it can seem like other people are making us miserable. It's true that other people do weird things (who doesn't?), but we are the ones getting upset, so we are the ones who need to change. I'm merely talking about learning to be less bothered by the actions of people.

Carlson goes on to suggest that, "When someone is acting in a way we don't like, the best strategy for dealing with that person is to look beyond it and see the innocence in where the behavior is coming from."

Parallel to Carlson's thinking, I offer this explanation of behavioral flexibility: An understanding of the behavior model gives us the patience to tolerate other people and their actions—including internal customers such as spouse, kids, and family. You can't change your style or other people's styles, but you can change the relationship.